Haunted by the Hands of Time

I would like to say that something catastrophic has been keeping me from working towards my life-long dream of supporting myself off my writing but alas, that is not the case. It’s just been regular ol’ life. When I started this website I told myself “you can’t let this website disappear,” “this is the year for your writing,” “you have to hustle,” etc. And look, it’s been months since I’ve posted. I’ve barely been reading. I haven’t been writing. I could sit here and beat myself up over it (and trust me I am to the point of tears), or I could give myself some grace and just pick up where I left off. Taking a break isn’t quitting right? You see, for most people this time of year is still easy. The holidays are coming but they aren’t here yet. But for a single mom in a leadership position, I’m being slammed by the series of holidays and events. They start with back to school for the kiddo and doesn’t end until the post-Christmas madness is put away. Instead of having the brain space and power to read and write, I’m left just wanting my brain to empty. I crave mindlessness and rest. The only space left for that though is wherever I can cram it. So just know, if I ever become a ghost of a writer I’ll always come back. I’m not giving up on this thing.

Let’s catch up on what I’ve been reading. Since my last post about books I’ve read I have finished a total of 6 books. That’s six books in 2 months. That’s 50% of what I’m normally capable of. However, I’m picking up speed so get ready. I’ll make a post later of the books I’ve been reading but for now just know some reviews are on their way!

Alright let’s get on to other things. Guys, it’s spooky season!! My absolute favorite is fall and I’m feeling in my element when I take a minute to enjoy it. Whether you’re a pumpkin fan or an apple fan or both (I won’t judge) this season is filled with so many fun things and amazing cool weather.

Fall
Crisp Chill
Scary Thrill
Leaves Aflame
Football Game

Knit Scarves
Pumpkins Carved
Grins Wider
Apple Cider

Blue Jeans
Chili Beans
Fuzzy Blankets
Candy Baskets

Bonfire heat
Trick or Treat
Hot Tea
Bye Bees

Reading, Writing
Decreased Lighting
Summer’s Over
Hello October

So, let’s talk spooky shit. I’ve been thinking a lot about ghosts. For some reason, this year whenever anything ghost related crops up I’m paying full attention. It’s inspiring a story in me but not just that. Ghosts haunt things. And who doesn’t have a ghost haunting them? I don’t necessarily mean a spirit causing weird noises in your home, although that’s possible. What I mean is anything that haunts you is basically a ghost. This time of year has a few difficult dates for me to get through. They haunt me. Whether I’m noticing it or not my mood changes when these days are approaching. It’s like my body remembers before my brain does. Anniversaries of trauma or anniversaries that are reminders of loss. And what’s closely related to anniversaries? Memories in general. You can be haunted by memories. I certainly am. Sometimes I let the memories grip me so tight it’s as if the memory is playing in front of me elder scrolls style.

The hands on the clock poke, prod, and dig
At my wound
It oozes when pushed like a button
The scab peels like a sticker
The hands dig and come out bloodied
Spreading the gore
-war paint

The thing about memories and nostalgia is that all the feelings you felt at that time come rushing back and follow you for a bit. It could be the memory of a parent that has passed which reminds you of what you lost. It could be the memory of “the one that got away” bringing up loss and loneliness. You think you’re past it. You think you’re healing but there are a million things in life that could act as triggers. Leaving you haunted once again. Words have a lot of power. Something someone said to you out of spite or to manipulate and bully you could be following you around your whole life, replacing your inner voice. Those words could be keeping you from your best self. People can haunt you. Although that kind of ties in with memories, words, and anniversaries. The same person could be involved in all of those things leaving you stuck. Maybe you or someone you love has a big birthday coming up (I’m turning 30 next year. Eek!) leaving you spooked by all the time that has passed and fear of the future.

Keep an eye out for my ghost story sometime this month! And have the happiest Halloween!